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I don't want to be mean and "block" you, so just close your eyes when I post, like I do, when I see YOUR pic. Thanks :) 
Your duty as a best friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck
Every girl has 3 personalities: 1) When she's with her family. 2) When she's with her friends. 3) When she's with HIM.
You don't need a $500 camera to take a photo of the bathroom mirror.
I gave our new female employee an instant promotion in exchange for sex. You should've seen her face when she found out I wasn't the boss.m
Some of my "friends" on Facebook need to be reminded that high school is over.
If putting a cup holder, car stereo, car horn, and a patio umbrella on my riding mower is weird, I dont wanna know what normal is.......
Dear Facebook friend that posts inspirational quotes, your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you!
I'll believe almost anything someone tells me in a British accent because they sound really smart when they talk.......
Irony: People complaining on Facebook one day about their problems and the next day telling people to mind their own business.
When I have money, I have nothing to buy. When I don't have money, I want everything.
Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?
Some kids think they are so smart when they get behind a computer... Bi$ch, I have email accounts older than you.
If I gave a sh*t, you'd be the 1st person I'd give it to.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you: deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my A$$ !
I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .
New Condom Slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.
I'll act my age when I'm 69.
I Dared my sister to go in to the mens washroom today..but she did not have the Balls ..
I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, & Real Sh!t.. 