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I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no B$tch, I'd also like all this invisible sh$t... 
I text my Ex yesterday and she didn't text back..Obviously she passed out of excitement!
Today, we celebrate to all the chicks that said "leave it in"
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
I will stop drinking when a mute guy tells a deaf guy that a blind guy saw a legless guy walk on water. Get the hint?
"girls will be boys" - Thai tourism board
My leg fell asleep; so this means I qualify for handicap parking right?
Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms and single moms. Also, if any of you women are looking to be a mom; hit me up on the DM.
Inspired by T.G.I. Fridays, I opened a restaurant called C.L.I. Tuesdays. No one could find it.
I am starting to think my life is like a revolving door.... Every time I hesitate to go through I get slapped by the door as it passes
I wonder what eminem is doing for mothers day
Don't you think it's awkward for most teens today getting a "happy mothers day" for their mistake?
Question of the day: unibrows- sexy or an evil genius' plot to take over the world?
On a scale of 1 to Rihanna, how big is your foerhead?
for those who never worked at a restaurant before, walking in 5 minutes before closings automatically entitles you to "special sauce" on whatever you order...
What do we want? A cure for TOURETTE'S! When do we want it? C(_)NT'S.
I asked my mom what she wants for Mothersday smh she never changes she said "for you to eat your vegetables"
To all the mothers: Happy Mother's Day. Don't let it go to your head. You are a working double tomorrow.
So, if 2 dudes marry, who gets to be the ungrateful, spoiled b!tch??
Ï believe that upon death,at heavens gate,there are 2 books in which your name need be,the book of life,&the avengers attendance sheet 