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Bite marks, hickies, and scratches are love notes written in flesh. 
Ebonics 101:where dey do dat at?= what type of establishment allows behavior of that sort?
Life should be this simple: do whatever makes you happy until you die.
It's not really such an "Easy-Bake" oven when you're trying to cook a pot roast. This is taking *forever*.
Have you seen these gas prices?? I just filled up and it doubled the value of my car!!
When a job interviewer asks, "Where do you see yourself in five years?", it's a test to see if you own a time machine.
remembers when Cheddar was still a cheese
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace. (
Hey people that make socks..can you make them so they last more then 3 times worn..!
HEY,,, I remember when they had Child Protective Services when I was a kid... And her name was Grandma... Love you Gram !
I just ate at the Olive Garden for the first time. It felt just like being in Tuscany,, And by Tuscany,, I mean the break room of a Radio Shack
There's no place like home. Unless you're a bee, in which case home is a terrible place filled with bees
HAHA !!,, I just saw a picture of Katy Perry holding a guitar and it looked just like when I make my cat pretend he's typing
Yesterday, Eugene Polly,, The inventor of the TV remote died.. I'd go to his funeral but it's WAY too far from my couch.
I was gonna comment something funny on Snooki's pregnancy...but sooo not worth it...
realizing being gay is such a happier way to live
We can only heal as a nation, once we acknowledge that Morris Day and the Time were robbed in the battle of the bands in Purple Rain.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
"Eighty-seven percent of people think lasers are friggin' awesome." - Pew Pew Pew Research Center
My dog was starting to take my love for granted so I made her watch one of those really depressing ASPCA animal abuse awareness commercials. This morning she washed my truck and took out the trash. 