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Dear Mark Zuckerberg.: HA-HA!!! --MySpace Tom 
Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy, men have to deal with women. It's all about balance.
My Boss Asked Me to Start The Presentation With a Joke. “I Attached My Payslip On the First Slide.”
Misunderstandings happen when one person is clearly stupid.
Despite the cost of living, it's still popular!
I wear my wedding ring on my middle finger to remind me of how f*cked I am
Girlfriend: Baby, I'm Pregnant. What do you want it to be? . . . . . . Boyfriend: A joke.
Those guys with "I Love My Wife" bumper stickers definitely been caught cheating
While using a public toilet I use the first pieces TP to cover the automatic flusher sensor because its just annoying until I'm finished.
Don't get confused between my personality & my attitude. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are
Crayola coming out with a new color Oompa Loompa in honor of Jersey Shore and Willy Wonka
Whoever said "money doesn't grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed
During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.
"When the hell did I say all that?" -Simon
Midwife - People helping people get people out of people.
I've been trying to throw away this trash can for the past 2 months & the garbage men just keep leaving it on the sidewalk.
An omelet made terribly, is, at its worst, very good scrambled eggs.
Wife: My gynocolagist says I can't have sex for two weeks. Husband: What did your dentist say?
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Dear Curiosity, Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat. 