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SO THAT"S what a Super Massive Black Hole IS !? HUH ! I was thinking something TOTALLY DIFFERENT ! 
You wanna know how my day is going ?? My M&M's Melted in my Hand and Not in My Mouth !
Today My NASDAQ of friend reports: A loss of 3 friends, thats down from last week. So I need funnier jokes ppl!
Bath Salt party at my place tonight, parents are out of town!
These bathsalts sure do make me feel funny.....
I wish some people's clothes were made of Touch Screen Material !! :0)
I didn't want my boss to think that I'm touchy & cry easily so when he scolded me I took out onions from my pocket & started cutting them
One day, all redheads will get a signal and turn on us. Many have already started. It'll be the Walking Red.
When I want to download illegally, I always surf high risk web sites with viruses in them because it makes me feel like Indiana Jones
kinda weird to see two grown men doubling on a bike, especially when it's an exercise bike at the gym
I prefer to believe that Eleanor Rigby was really quite popular,, and that her funeral just happened to coincide with the "American Idol" finale.
Anyone else with a Blackberry wanna play Draw Nothing?
FB is turning to be Bravo TV of the internet- too much drama and cat fights!!
When a Mormon knocks on your door to tell you the "good word" you don't answer....why the hell would you want one to lead your country?
Look, unless you're not blind, get your dog off your lap while you're driving
Toasters as wedding gifts don't make sense. If you and the person you're marrying don't have a toaster maybe you're not ready to be married.
The most awkward part of going to a satanist church is when you get inside and everyone is wearing a snuggy.
I'm glad the whole planking phase is over. Now I can go back to napping on the sidewalk without worrying a picture will show up on Facebook.
Keep it down kids,,,, Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
I win a lot of arm wrestling matches because of my technique of looking my competitor in the eye while playing footsie under the table. 