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I like my coffee the same as my women. Black and sweet and ready to be creamed in. 
I like my coffee the same way I like my men!! Rich, warm and can keep me up all night long ;)
it too much to ask for a COFFEE only line at Tim Hortons? Wake up and smell the coffee Tim!!
a good laugh and a long sleep are the best two cures for anything :)
Ok, I cant take it anymore. Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Some lady just told me that she was terrible at math and that she flunked "algeber". I'm sure she excelled in English class though.
WARNING: "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" is apparently not a valid defense for Indecent Exposure.
I use my birthday as an excuse to do whatever the hell I want. So basically it's just like every other day, except with presents.
I know there's no such thing as evolution because if there was my Facebook page would've grown a "punch" button by now.
Happy National Report Your Boss To HR Day everyone!!!
I may not be the biggest or longest lasting, but I'm the most appreciative!!
Some Girls are as easy to get over as they were to get under... Just Sayin'
LADIES: So you are ordering the most expensive thing on the menu? You know that comes with d ick right?
The beauty of life is that Vodka looks like water.....and water bottles are allowed at work.
My shirt has a "Made in the USA" label. And that label has its own smaller label that says "Label Made in China."
It's Monday, and a strong possibility I may hurt someone!
if your posts starts with "Only 45 days until..."; you should consider changing lives with someone...anyone...
Before you judge me,.. make sure your perfect!
Don't feel bad if people remember you only when they need you. Feel privileged that you are like a candle that comes to their mind when there is darkness
On the outside, I may appear like an emotionless sarcastic jerk, but just like an onion, when you peel off more layers, you find the exact same thing every single time and you start crying. 