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I have met many people who had no clothes.....and I have met a lot of clothes, inside of which there were no people..... 
Giraffe neck with a Grumpy Cat head - funniest one I've seen so far!
looked for all of my friends on Facebook and they've all turned into GIRAFFES!
today was a female canine kind of a day!
NB: I am not a Giraffe. Not because I'm a boring fart who won't play, but because I am a smart fart who got it right
Whenever I check into a hotel with my girlfriend, I check the one with a beauitiful ceiling because we like taking turns as to who stares at the ceiling.
I'm at that stage in life where I have to choose between getting loved or getting laid. Tough!
There is nothing like listening to Led Zeppelin to drown out the Jonas Brothers break up. . .
an 18 years old girl is like a good carpenter; no wood get wasted.
*buys Sushi for Dummies*.. *preheats oven*.. *reads first page of Sushi for Dummies*.. *turns off oven*
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?... Me: Pfft,,, I could think of like fifty reasons,, I’m not falling for that.
If she gets up and goes and makes you a sandwich after sex. You're not doing it right
One of the most romantic things a rose can do for another rose is leave a trail of human body parts from the front door to the bedroom.
Why do rappers boast about their flow? I thought all women hated periods? Plus telling every one about it is very unlady like, 2 Chainz.
Clark Kent’s mask is a pair of glasses? And no one recognised him? I wore glasses to the job I was fired from and I was still kicked out.
being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
A Relationship is like poker, if you don't have a partner you better have a good hand.
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life if I die on Friday.
Sometimes we've gotta, nod, agree and giggle. (in that exact order)
The most pathetic thing I read in the news today is that: The Jonas Brothers Break Up. That's F - N funny, Umm they're brothers. . . 