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I'd rather shower with my parents than go shopping on Black Friday... 
Jingle Bells, Dalek smells, the Doctor saved the day. Oh what joy it was to see him saving Gallifrey.
All this negativity in the world and I still remain Positive! -Magic Johnson
If you love your farts you have to let them go.
I used to have a life outside of work. Now I have a wife outside of work.
I'm currently toying with the idea of having an idea.
Since when does CBS care about facts? Aren't these the same people who on e tried to prove a story with "computer printed" documents, from the "1960ies."
Getting a clementine full of seeds is like getting a piece of fish full of bones.
Someday health nuts are going to look awful stupid laying in a hospital dying from nothing.
Funniest thing I heard while working in ER.. "What was he doing with his pen*s in a dogs mouth anyway?
If your bellybutton jewelry touches the person you’re hugging before you do…you shouldn’t have bellybutton jewelry.
On the day before Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Small Pox....if not for that, my house wouldn't be where it is. (Too Soon?)
My wife says she is going to leave me if I don't stop drinking so much. See? There are benefits to being an alcoholic.
Some people are just a waste of bandwidth.
Behind every man with great s tatus you pdates is either a beautiful woman who has inspired him or destroyed him.
Every girl's diary is a Yelp review of your sexual performance.
People are just waiting to get offended. I'm offended that you're allowed to breathe. :-)
Rock died in 90s. Very few bands rock these days.
"So what qualities do you think qualify you for this job?" "I'm an idiot" "You can join today" *How managers are hired*
Anything that involves official documents is a small portion of hell. 