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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself. 
Obama want you to talk about Obamacare over the Thanksgiving table to get more to register......that program is still hanging on by a wing and a prair!
While discussing the costliness of gifts, my wife's family has decided to draw names out of a hat for Christmas on Thanksgiving Day this year. Too bad I couldn't draw the name of a different family altogether for Christmas.
The worst part about watching The Food Network while my mother in law tries to follow their recipes during the Holidays is the sad fact that they don't deliver.
The best thing about all these crazy Potato Chip flavors is that we don't need to make side dishes for the Turkey this year.
I think what I'm thankful for most this Thanksgiving is not having to read thirty more days of what everyone is thankful for.
My favorite part of Thanksgiving day is when I stuff the Bird. My wife enjoys it too but wishes I'd find another nickname for her lady parts.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I've gotta go find my clothes.
After over 350 years,,, The Vatican finally apologized to Galileo, so don't expect an apology for child abuse anytime before 2363.
My best posts are like children... I have my favorites and nobody else seems to be interested in hearing about them.
while fixing the big Thanksgiving dinner remember to cook with wine like all the fancy tv chefs say....you'll be too drunk to realize what the family is saying or doing
Me: "Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"... Wife: "Well, what does it say on it?.Me: "Boston Bruins.".. Wife: "You're an idiot "..
English teachers on Facebook must feel the same hopelessness as dentists do when they're at Walmart.
Wow. Hard to believe in only a month my wife and daughters will be returning the gifts I bought them.
Dear CBS please put How I Met Your Mother to the Sitcom Cemetery
Oh great now the bill collector is blowing up my phone cuz he thought we got accidentally disconnected....
People on Death row probably don't think it's funny when the President pardons the turkeys for Thanksgiving.
You think this day and age it would be polite to just walk up and ask a woman, excuse me want to share a condom. . .
100% of all divorces began with getting married...
I bought some sparkly wrapping paper thinking it was like a simulated sparkly kind. It is actually made out of sparkles. Well, now my floor, face, hands, clothes and kid look like Diamond Cherry Serenity & Candi came over to my house after the strip club. 