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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 17 of 33
I could probably beat Usain Bolt if we were both trying to get the last ice cream sandwich.
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08-09-2012 09:53 by
flinnie
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Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it happened during a tragic accident. Regardless, stop staring, it's rude.
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08-09-2012 09:51 by
flinnie
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More often than not, my feelings can be summed up with a simple "feh."
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08-07-2012 08:52 by
flinnie
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95% of every relationship is navigating the question "Where should we eat?" without it turning into World War III.
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08-06-2012 05:59 by
flinnie
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Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.
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08-05-2012 09:37 by
flinnie
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Won't get the test results til next week, but the giant shoes & makeup suggest I may have Clown Syndrome
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08-04-2012 06:54 by
flinnie
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Wetting the bed is embarrassing enough as it is. I could do without the laughs from these jerks at Mattress Warehouse
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08-03-2012 10:00 by
flinnie
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The way my son reacts when I approach his face with a tissue is the way you'd react if I approached your face with a nailgun.
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08-03-2012 09:53 by
flinnie
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You can usually tell which people dressed as mascots on the side of the road are only doing it for the money.
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08-03-2012 09:52 by
flinnie
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I was excited there was a 'The Paperboy' movie until I watched the trailer and found out it wasn't based on the old Nintendo game.
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08-01-2012 19:44 by
flinnie
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When people ask me if I play "Draw Something," I take a piece of paper, "draw" the word "NO," and then hand it to them.
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07-27-2012 19:10 by
flinnie
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There is no problem so big that it can't be solved with a little self-delusion.
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07-24-2012 05:42 by
flinnie
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I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I'm afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
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07-22-2012 06:46 by
flinnie
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I would love to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
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07-21-2012 05:15 by
flinnie
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Well, it's almost time to show up late for something else.
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07-19-2012 11:16 by
flinnie
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A fun game to play at a party is to see how many pairs of socks you can sniff before the host asks you to leave.
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07-19-2012 11:08 by
flinnie
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when comforting a grammar nazi I always say "there, they're, their"
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07-16-2012 19:38 by
flinnie
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The clearer your conscience, the more likely you are to answer a call from an unknown number.
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07-14-2012 05:02 by
flinnie
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Got a headache from looking at all the options of headache relief.
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07-13-2012 10:20 by
flinnie
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I would pay good money for a painting of Snoop Dogg and Dog the Bounty Hunter playing poker.
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07-13-2012 10:17 by
flinnie
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