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OK, OK. I'm sorry I yelled "Get a room!" when your grandmother was hugging your grandfather's casket. 
After spending any time on social media you can understand why they need to write "Do Not Eat" on silica packets.
If a trip to Golden Corral doesn't make you pro-choice, nothing will.
Dating Red Flags: She shows you the "good behavior" pin she received in group therapy.
Public Pool Etiquette: Before urinating, one must raise one's hand and flab one's wrist as to alert others to vacate the pool.
"The system is rigged." --Bernie Sanders after losing at Monopoly
Remember when Ron Paul was too crazy to be President.
Bad Inspirational Quote: Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get - like anaphylactic shock for unlisted nuts.
I don't really care about your opinion of me, but I met a dog earlier that didn't like me and it's still messing with me....
Any body up for playing some Tennis...we can use my balls.!
If somebody just joined Facebook now either their 10 year prison stint is over or they're newly separated.
Yahoo's search engine is just two drunk guys leaning out a third-floor window accousting passerby with your questions.
If you think she posts a lot of photos of her pregnancy wait until that kid arrives.
Mrs Browns Lovely daughter must have a lovely daughter of her own by now shouldn't she ?
The number 867-5309 has been disconnected .
Am I the only person who thinks that Walmart is missing out on a major opportunity by not having a Golden Corral at all of their stores?
When asked my weight, I give what it is on the Moon.
Consider this Diem Carped.....
According to The Prophecy, today is my Hot Mess day.
just found out that Major Lazer is a group not an individual. for how long were you guys planning on keeping this a secret? how long? 