g0re Funny Status Messages

   I'm not single, I'm in a long distance relationship with this girl who lives in my future.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. We're not sure if Lady Gaga has one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses it. What is it? A last name.

   Sometimes it's fun to use unnecessary amounts of anger: "Peter can I have one of your chips?" "no" "DAMN IT PETER, I WILL SH!T ON YOUR GRAVE!!"

   Wake up in the morning feeling like I'm 50. Grab a saucer out the cupboard I gotta feed my kitty. Before I leave, brush my teeth, with a tube of Colgate, cause when I leave for the night, I'll be back by 8.

   Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....

   "Dont worry the spider is smaller than you" "So is a grenade"

   There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

   Lazy rule number 43: can't reach it, don't need it.

   What's on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: ______.

   My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It's going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.

   It's an awkard situation when you make a milk shake and no one shows up in your yard.

   How to Lose Weight: Turn your head to the left, then to the right. Repeat when offered food.

   It takes 22 muscles to smile and 37 muscles to frown. That means I'm working out harder than you, Mr. F*cking Happy.

   With great power comes a great electricity bill.

   Due to the Global Financial Crisis, Ke$ha will now be known as Ke¢ha.

   They should really make stomach medicines taste better, cause the last thing I want to swallow when I'm sick is something chalky and ass flavored.

   If only the Indians had given the Pilgrims donkey on Thanksgiving. We'd all be getting some ass today.

   People complain too much on airplanes. like "For real? I cant get hi speed internet?! AND MY CHAIR DOESNT LEAN BACK!" .... "Dude, you are sitting in a chair... IN THE GOD DAMN SKY!"

   Whoever came up with the term "one tough cookie" had no idea about the structural integrity of baked goods.

   Just because you attract a lot of nasty skanks does not mean you're a stud. It means that your own kind recognizes you.