mullerman Funny Status Messages

   that whenever a bird craps on my windshield, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I am capable of.

   thinks it's better to be "over the hill" then under it.

   Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.

   If you fall, I'll be there - The Floor

   been married for 20 years and has sex almost every day....almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday.....

   asks..what's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

   asks...the difference between my boss and the pope? The pope only expects me to kiss his ring

   If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.

   Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

   decided to go on a Light Diet....whenever there's light...I eat.

   the difference between an in-law and an out-law is that outlaws are wanted....

   anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.

   if you want to feel skinny....hang out with a group of fat people!

   has a dog with no legs named Cigarette. Everyday I put on his leash and take him out for a drag.

   really wonders why if Jimmy cracked corn and nobody cared....why did they write a song about him?

   annoyed....the FOLD cycle on the clothes dryer isn't working!

   after all those years working at the Nuclear Power Plant, Uncle Ron was the hands-down favorite to win the 3-legged race.

   learned to never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

   Preserve nature....pickle a squirrel.

   thinks that hard work never killed anybody, but wht take the chance?