hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Ralph Macchio is 50. Pat Morita was 52 when the Karate Kid opened,,,,fact check next time!

   An apple a day is bullcrap. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.

   The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to a woman. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.

   I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself.

   No Hulu, no ads are relevant to me, because I lack the funds to have any purchasing power whatsoever.

   Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid-air I would probably eat it.

   Judging by how much I like to crawl back under the covers in the morning I think I'd make a pretty awesome turtle.

   If I ever get pulled over again, I am gonna sing the "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there" song and wave both hands at the police officer like I am doing a magic trick.

   When asked which method of payment will be used, I always put "in collections".. that way they can just skip the middle man.

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her a...mediately!!!

   Putting $10,000 worth of speakers into a $5000 car is a sure way of never climbing out of your social class

   I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.

   Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls

   My boss wants me to keep my headphones volume low enough to hear my work phone ring AND stay awake at my desk like some kind of wizard.

   Meeting a blind date at Starbucks. She said shell be wearing Uggs, a NorthFace Jacket, and yoga pants. I got her narrowed down to 47 girls.

   If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just silently texting about their crappy Saturday and never make friends with each other

   If HR made employees settle their disputes with public dance-offs, everyone would try a lot harder to get along.

   I'm learning how to let things go, one throat at a time.

   The back of every furniture assembly manual should have a coupon for couples counseling.

   Thank god we don't send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?