Bobo the Chimp Funny Status Messages

   Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.

   Which part of this $5.99 Walmart t-shirt makes you wonder if I would like to see the wine list?

   Hopefully Harrison Ford replaced his divot.

   I'm just here so I won't get fined.

   What time does that rioting and looting reality show start tonight?

   When I squeeze a tube of 'whitening toothpaste' and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.

   In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

   Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a Pterodactyl on the coffee table.

   Ariana Grande is just a fancy way to order a medium ariana.

   Yes, how much for the baby jacuzzi? Ma'am, that's a crockpot.

   Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting's titty, not ok. Apparently.

   I will cause a 12-car pileup before I let you last-minute merge.

   Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.

   *Shows up to salsa lessons with Tostitos* Haha what the heck are you idiots doing

   "This is where the magic happens" ~Me on a first date to a magic show

   FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. I was wrong.

   Helen Keller wrote 12 books and I just put my shirt on inside out.

   When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous and six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.

   Last night I wore a Mickey Mouse costume to Chuck E. Cheese and angrily accused him of having an affair with Minnie until I was forcibly removed & arrested.

   I ran out of Anti-Depressants, so I'm drinking my bottle of No More Tears Shampoo.