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decided that he's not gonna lower his standards to raise yours!!! 
hiding porn before his gf comes home
like superman just without the cape
doesn't drink anymore, doesn't drink any less either
thinks there are 3 types of people in this world, those that can count and those that cant!
Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often.
The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em.
My favorite poem is the one that starts "Thirty days have September" because it actually tells you something.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
If you can't say anything nice...come sit by us.
Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
taking his 1st Karate lesson today @ the Ho Lee Chit Karate School
it's been 06837 days since the last time I gave a crap
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