Funny Status Messages

   wants you to know that Alcohol is Never the answer. Unless, of course, the question is "What is C2H5OH?"

   A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man." :)

   Get a backbone and say NO if you don't want to do something, ignoring calls and texts is a cowards way out. Grow a pair!!!

   “Even in a happy relationship, it's seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.

   If I was a bird, I know who I'd s**t on first...

   woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy

   Some couples hold hands because theyre afraid that if they let go theyd kill each other

   I caught myself updating my Facebook status in my sleep & I think I actually would've posted it if the rumble strips on the highway didn't wake me up first.

   wondering why Dora never tells her parents about the fox that keeps stalking her."

   The BP oil is seeping into Bedrock. I'll bet Fred Flintstone is furious.

   I don't understand the whole gay women play softball thing. Please explain to me because it's a bunch of girls who like to hold wood & catch balls in spandex on their free time...

   The YMCA has officially shortened it's name to "The Y". You know times are tough when letters are even getting laid off.

   If you've seen one child on a leash, you've seen a mall

   Wondering if you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?

   The trouble with life is there's no background music

   Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

   The funniest thing about this message is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything you its too late for you to stop reading it you dumb f**k

   Winners should have 2 things: Definite goals ...And the burning desire to achieve them

   Just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker.

   Trust me. Tight fit jeans and loose fit skin are one bad combination.