Funny Status Messages

   just read that movie theatre popcorn is very buttery and unhealthy, in other news..water is wet! :D

   has a message to all Gingers. Let Raoul Moat be a lesson. We will find you and make it look like suicide!

   always do right.this will gratify some people and astonish the rest

   I don't care if Monday's blue... Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too... Thursday I don't care about you... It's Friday, and I don't have any real plans for this evening...

   if any more of these Mel Gibson tapes get released you'll be able to buy the box set from Time Life by XMas

   thinks that Edward Scissorhands should be very much afraid of Edward Rockhands...

   O dang the voices in my head are speaking Spanish again....they know I don't understand them!

   thinking 9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 1000 getting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there sunshine

   Don't be sad, don't be blue, Frankenstein was ugly too!

   Working on working on my evil plot to take over the world. But first, a bowl of Froot Loops!

   Did you put the "Baby on Board" sign on your minivan to let me know you have precious cargo OR to warn me that your going to drive like an a$$hole and pay attention to everything but the road? just curious....

   I just witness a lady shake the sh*t out of her kid in Wal-Mart...she must be a Shakeweight owner!

   put your hands in da air and wave 'em like you just don't care 'cause it's Friday!

   Don't judge me. If you're reading this, then you aren't working either.

   Was in hospital waiting room and had sat on a newspaper that was on the chair. This guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" Didn't really know how to respond... So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again...

   ‎*disclamer* no animals were harmed in the crafting of this status update. Stunt doubles were substituted and all theories were tested on a closed course.

   thinking about some chicken fried, cold beer, and wearing a pair of jeans that fit just right!

   Do NOT download the Mel Gibson app on your new iPhone. It attacks all your other apps, then implodes.

   So, ladies..... when you don't feel like using the "Shakeweight," do you tell yourself you have a headache?

   Plano, where guys show up in ed hardy shirt glittered up, fake bake tan, dragon ball z hair, wearing sunglasses indoors.