Funny Status Messages

   wondering who left the bag of idiots open.

   all I want is a comfy bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

   I didn't outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.

   You moon the wrong person at the office as a joke just once, and suddenly you're not "professional" anymore.

   thinks the fastest way to being happy is to make others happy. You go first.

   Man made alcohol, God made marijuana, who are you going to trust?

   Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

   Whats the difference between arrogant and ignorant? Brithish and Welsh

   If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh**" and "syphilis

   thinks you should NEVER look down on someone...unless you have a clear view of cleavage.

   tired of all the emails I keep getting on how to enlarge my p*nis, especially since I am a woman, so I have forward them to my exhusband

   just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."

   thinks you should probably just let your "Honor Roll" student drive, cause you're very obviously an idiot.

   2 englishmen walk into a dentist... That is it...

   let's get 1 thing straight...i work for a living,..i dont live for workin'

   An Englishman walks into a bar. The American knocks him out, takes his girlfriend, and lives happily ever after. The end.

   feed the homeless to the hungry, 2 problems solved......

   getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Circle'...all done. And I thought this getting into shape thing was going to be hard.

   Women should come with Miranda Rights....because if you say the wrong thing, it will come back to haunt you!

   Im not saying all IPhone users are douchbags. I am simply saying all douchbags are IPhone users =)