Funny Status Messages

   Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. WHY?

   gathering rocks to throw at the English Football Team!!!

   he'll shoot, he'll score, he'll eat your labrador, Football fans jeerig!! ofcourse they were Korea Fans!!

   To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

   Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.

   To appreciate heaven , it's good for a person to have some fifteen minutes of hell

   Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou hast been offended by me!

   Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

   Sex is like hacking. You get in, you get out, and you hope you didn't leave something behind that can be traced back to you.

   Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

   Got lucky opening an oyster yesterday. I found an oil filter.

   u can find smart guys in every corner of the earth..unfortunately the earth is round..

   Fact of the day... no such thing as an American site unless the website is about America. Football is what's going on in the World Cup... England will wake up and beat Slovenia: Fact!

   thanks dad for not pulling out.! Happy fathers day!!

   My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

   Back to your bridge you evil troll.... your powers dont work here!

   “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”

   wondering why American sports use terms like "world series" when no other countries play.

   smelling the whiskey burning down Copperhead Road.....

   It's true, our country sucks at soccer....but at least our kids aren't starving!