Funny Status Messages

   I hate when people say "have a nice day." Like I'm gonna be in anguish later then think "Oh yeah, Truck Driver guy told me to have a nice day."

   Officially out of Liquor Stores within a 25km radius that don't Recognize me as soon as I walk in the door...

   Preserve nature....pickle a squirrel.

   Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

   it just a coincidence that batteries and bras come in the same sizes?

   If I see that "fuzzoodle" commercial one more time, I'm going to shoot my tv.

   It's not my fault when I open my mouth words come out

   don't make me mad, I will find your pictures and post them on peopleofwalmart.com and then see who has the last laugh!!!

   was thinking about running around outside naked, but then I drank another bottle except it was Windex, and it stopped me from streaking...

   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

   The clean up in the Gulf is going well. My seabass I ordered was a quart low.

   it just me or does anyone else translate the sticker "Student Driver" as "Please Screw With Me"...??????

   if you belive in yourself, you can do anything... if you belive that.. your oficialy a retard

   vampires in twilight is pale white ,, how come laurent is black ??

   - I can't believe we only managed a draw against a sh*t team we should easily have beaten........I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.....

   I'm thinking that the only good mornings are the ones that start in the afternoon.

   What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam!

   Don't worry, during the Apocalypse the zombies are looking for brains, you're safe..

   feeling confused as a pelican flying over the Gulf of Mexico .

   is gonna go to a psychiatrists office, sit in the waiting room and just stare at people..