Funny Status Messages

   Why is it that whenever I'm on vacation I can ALWAYS find a Law & Order marathon on TNT?

   guess there isn't anything to this Global warming, Gores now agree

   I'm going to invent the Facebook Status Flipbook. An animated screen capture collection. Met a new guy (flip), it's only been a week but I Love him (flip), week 2 and I hate him (flip), deleting Facebook (flip), I Love him again.

   Justin Bieber. So easy a caveman can do it.

   Where did all the "drill baby drill!" people go?

   they should just put a shamwow on the oil spill.

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update.

   wondering if the Phillys and Blackhawks players wives are not shaving either

   bringing the 'fun' back into funeral.

   With "Lost" and "American Idol" finished what am I supposed to do with my life, I guess I'll go enjoy that hot orange thing in the sky!

   Had Mexican for dinner last night and just used a BP restroom. Let's just say we're almost even.

   I had to separate the Aunt Jemima and the Uncle Ben in my pantry. Ben won't keep his hands off those big flapjacks..

   She had a Coca-Cola body....too bad it was the 2-Liter version.

   I am not a control freak. I prefer the term "predictability enthusiast".

   The truth shall set ye free. But lying shall get ye a bunch of free sh*t.

   I'd like to kick Murphy's @ss for making any laws.

   When you were a kid, your biggest decision was "Duck Hunt or Mario Bros."

   my drinking team has a football problem

   Yes Southwest Airlines, I wanna get away!

   My wife tells me I have A.D.D., that stands for Attention Deficit, hey it's beginning to storm outside.