Funny Status Messages

   just turned on cartoon network to watch spongebob squarepants, but the screen was all black........Guessing its oil

   i would have loved to have a gay dad .. coz all that stuff at school... my dad will beat up ure dad... I would have been able to say .. my dad would shag your dad ... and he would love it

   "Push for Power" at the Indy 500? Sounds like Mario Kart on the Wii. How long before Helio throws a little red turtle from his car to wipe out the guy in front of him?

   911: What is your emergency? / Sprint HTC Evo: Hi, I just murdered the iPhone.

   DVD is to VHS as facebook is to myspace

   I don't consider myself.. 'SINGLE & ALONE' I consider myself ' INDEPENDENT & AVAILABLE :3~)

   I'm in the mood for Sushi but the Japanese place near me doesn't take credit cards. I'm gunna have raw toast instead.

   I heard that Gary Coleman died because they forgot to put up the little white gates in front of the stairs

   I'm good at reading between the lines when I'm doing cocaine off of a Kindle™.

   Lather, Rinse, Repeat ... that's how they GET YOU !!!

   Q: How was David Copperfield born? A: He escaped from a condom!

   1.21 gigawatts!!!!???

   KIϟϟ+ACϟDC=greatest bands of all time

   Be who you are, not who others try to make you

   its POOP again....Don't put it out with your boots TED!!!

   I am afraid if I started selling my body I might end up on the cover of Forbes Magazine.....

   i'm speechless...what can I say?....i saw it comin b4 it happen...i felt the fart but i'm goin to shout my mouth let them blame the fat kid

   Apparently the phrase, "If you build it, they will come," doesnt apply to self constucted bedroom furniture from IKEA!

   wishes my yard was emo so it would cut itself

   I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water, all I have to do is defrost it!