Funny Status Messages

   taking a mental vacation...Her body is here but her mind is gone somewhere tropical with lots of water, sunshine and a cold drink.

   Remember a diamond was merely a lump a coal that did well under pressure..

   Who here thinks Kesha's your love is my drug the starting beat of it is like love game by Lady gaga

   Somebody called me a metrosexual today. What is that like a local term or something? Anyway I'm sitting there getting a pedicure reading Vogue..

   has just seen a dude so ugly, that he look like a rough draft. Dude needs to be proofread and corrections MUST be made... Everythang is wrong... fragments, run-on sentences... damn

   Warning: condoms aren't 100% protective. Her friend was wearing one and he got run over by a bus.

   I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"

   Waiting 4 the day when 1 of the tri-nations lands(new zealand,australia and south africa)figures out how 2 play american football.then we'll own that sh!t 2.just as we did with england and their rugby lmao.

   T-Pain, 50 Cent,Drake, Nelly, Kanye West, LIL Wayne, Soulja Boy and numerous rappers from down south, you are all wanted for the murder of HIP HOP, HIP HOP was last seen in the late 90's and has disapeared since.

   Google's PacMan Game Cost the World $120 Million‎... :O

   Google's PacMan Game Cost the World $120 Million‎... WTF.. I love it...

   If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

   Never end a sentence with a preposition. Incorrect: Thongs crack me up. Correct: Thongs up me crack.

   I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there goes a cavity."

   I feel sorry for our ancestors who used to have to wait days or weeks to hear from friends that they were laughing out loud.

   I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.

     The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably generally they are the same people.

   As a man, it scares the hell out of me that North Korea has a missile called the "no dong."

   It wasn't until Rick gazed upon a photo on her facebook after 4 kids, and 80 pounds that he finally stopped wishing he had Jessie's girl.

   Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.