Funny Status Messages

   Truly loveing another means letting Go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, eather good or bad

   Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

   A Chicken Sandwich walks into a bar, and orders some food & beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

   I got water trapped in my ears after taking a shower.. It was a near deaf experience

   getting outta the shower on a cold day only to realize there isnt a towel in sight... priceless... guess i'll just use my dirty t-shirt..

   my wife hates fish especially the smell, so I took it upon myself to fry up 3 lbs of salmon 30 minutes before she comes home...

   My Bathroom scale just did 0 to 235 in 3 seconds, who needs a sports car? Wow thats fast........

   you may be an engineer if you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

   Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

     It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

   My maths teacher asked me what comes after 69? Apparently "I do" is not the correct answer,

   saw a commercial for the United In Rock Tour (Styx, Foreigner, Kansas) and I thought to myself "I hope they don't play in Arizona...because Foreigner would be screwed."

   come to realize that housework is a lot like shoveling the driveway while it's still snowing, come back 10 minutes later and it looks like you never did it....LOL

   I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time.

   Facebook is changing their privacy settings again. As of tomorrow, Facebook will creep up behind you & give you an atomic wedgie. To change this option, go to Settings > Personal Settings > Sneaky Settings> Wedgie Settings & uncheck the Shenaniga

   Kids... It's like letting your heart walk around outside of your body

   regrets to inform you that due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off

   A man goes into a library and ask for a book on suicide....The librarian replies "F*ck off! you wont bring it back!"

   Making fun of Courtney Love is like shooting Heroin in a barrel.

   "You can lie to me but, Dont lie to Yourself"