BEGO Funny Status Messages

   The closest friends are the ones that know too much.

   I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: "Bathroom closed."

   Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.

   When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far and no one can ever tear them apart.

   Do you call Gatorade by the color instead of the flavor. 

   Mistakes are painful; but as time goes by, it becomes a collection of experiences called Lessons. Live life and embrace life lessons!

   I do 5 sit-ups every morning/afternoon. That may not sound like much, but there is only so many times that you can hit the snooze button, before the clock gives up..

   A dog is always glad to see you when you get home. A cat just looks at you like "What are you doing here?

   If I could be anything in the world I would want to be a teardrop because I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

   I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said "I MISS ATLANTA" so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

   It's cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won't eat them as soon as I get to my car.

   I don't have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.

   5 words that scare the hell out of me in horror movies, "Based on a true story."

   Whenever you're feeling down, remember, you're the sperm that won.

   There's a good chance you don't like me. But an even better chance I don't care.

   When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 16.

   I don't care how old you are, When you see a balloon about to hit the floor, you dive too stop that sh*t.

   3 reasons why I'm single… Can't date food, can't date celebs, and I can't date the internet.

   My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.

   Boobs are like the sun. Ok to look, but dangerous to stare. But that's what sunglasses are for.