Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If God loves us why do we have ear hair

   Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.

   Having a terrible night with my date and her husband

   Fidget Spinners: Is that like really small women with Turetts Syndrome?

   The earliest bird gets the worm, and the second mouse gets the cheese

   I'll never understand someone from upstate NY bragging about their food. Listen up, Schenectady, you're not NYC, you're Vermont Jr.

   I plan on buying some men's Rompers. Right after I get a vag installed in the space where my dik and b@lls once occupied.

   The "nut job" told the "nut jobs" that the head of the FBI is a "nut job" You can't make this stuff up

   He died doing what he loved: Wearing a floral print romper to a biker bar.

   Shortest 1st date ever she asked what's my favorite movie & I said Ghostbusters & then she asked what's it about..

   its impossible to play hide and seek with the dog

   You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.

   I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.

   [me, at the gym] I never expected to die like this

   They let Robocop keep his human mouth because eating pu$$y is a valuable crime-fighting technique.

   rare sighting of me by a neighbor

   Does Octomom still have those 6 kids.

   the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it

   So tired I just ignored a fly walking on my face like I was in an 80's hunger commercial.

   I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.