Funny Status Messages

   If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...

   Her: Make your own snack. Me: It says: Not to operate heavy machinery while using this medication. Her: It's an oven not a forklift.

   Valentine's Day was started accidentally when an irresponsible man gave a bow and arrow to a cherub-faced Baby and he shot the man's lover in the heart ... true story.

   pro tip....today invest in buying Energizer & Duracell stocks

   irony...Valentine's Day is abbreviated as "VD"

   Happy VD to all you young lovers out there,,,!!!💜

   I got a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order but still....

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay

   Happy Single's Discrimination Day. You'll be takiing matters in your own hands. Don't forget to clean up. . .. . .

   Dateline's Keith Morrison can now be your GPS voice, which is awesome unless you put in a middle school in your GPS device...then instantly become a part of to Catch a Preditor.

   If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .

   So the state trooper said "I've been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn't you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."

   KellyAnne Conway looks tired and flustered every day!

   Most girls will spend Valentine's day alone because their boyfriends will be with their wives

   Roses are red... Violets are Blue .... Vodka costs less than dinner for two

   Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.🐿️

   "You know I'm a dude right?" Are not the words you want whisped in your ear today!

   What's more important. The prick of the roses or the prick giving them. . .

   Shout out to all the hotel maids working tomorrow. They're the real heroes!

   Damn ... guess yet again I bought all of those Jumbo sized condoms for nothing!! Oh well ... Looks like i'm having another big post Valentines day Water Balloon drop off my balcony tomorrow.