Funny Status Messages

   Her bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that sh*t together with floss...

   I want to get a Henna tattoo that says "Forever"

   I didn't fall , I attacked the floor.

   if I had a nickel for evertime I ignored your friends request, I could buy facebook with all my change..

   I wonder what Lebrons puppet is doing right now?

   LeBron needs to eat a Snickers. He's playing like Betty White out there.

   I Never Finish My Eraser Because It Is Either Stolen,Lost,or Cut In Half

   [Due to Improper conduct on facebook and writing randomly on walls, Facebook has removed my status bar ]

   I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me -- they were cramming for their finals!

   Dear Beer,I forgive You for abandoning me during tough times during the week, I love You for coming back on weekend and will French kiss You, till sobriety do us apart!

   The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!

   her breakfast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didnt want, and water that I slipped birth control into....Who says chivalry is dead!!

   i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passed out. when you wish upon a star...

   I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what I do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, I draw the line. I'm sorry but I just can't let you beat me at mario kart

   hypothetical high five.... wait for it...... NICE!!

   going cow tipping in FarmVille...Don't say I didn't warn you...

   *When I m Studying parents dont see.When I takes a break parents- "why dont I ever see you study?"

   If a cop stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?

   not sure we're using this internet thingy properly. He just Googled 'Partridge Family Theme Song Lyrics' and got 97,000 pages that had them. Seriously? He thinks one page is quite enough. Maybe 2, for a backup in case one goes down.

   Seriously, dude in front of me at the register...digging in your pants for the last 2 minutes for change is making you look kinda creepy...