bego Funny Status Messages

   I'm going to change my name to 'Benefits' Now when you add me on Facebook it will say "You are now friends with benefits."

   Surprise sex is the best sex. Unless you're in prison.

   I'm hungry. Fridge: I don't give a s#it. Cabinet: Bi$ch, don't look at me. Freezer: LOL. You like ice?

   I am a nurse, I'm just not registered.

   Once these h$es realize 1+1= 2 and NOT 3 the world will be a better place.

   Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTILER 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE Did you read..........Spine, Lither, Ginger and Subtext?

   It's not that I need to manage my anger, it's that other people need to manage their stupidity.

   You know you're married when you find her sexier with clothes on.

   I'm fine" -All pissed off girls

   Whenever my EX shows up in my Facebook feed, I think "I am so glad you're the one that got away."

   Shut up sl$t, my showers last longer than your relationships.

   Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house... just trying to help

   Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 7 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide.

   Irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull out" couch.

   If gas prices keep going up I'm cutting off the bottom of my car and I'm "Flintstoning" That mf!

   No matter where you live, there's always 1 light switch that doesn't do anything.

   You know you took a good picture of someone when they use it as their default pic or timeline cover.

   used to hate red lights before text messaging was invented.

   The best thing about Facebook is that someone can disappear as quickly as they appeared!

   Laughter is not the best medicine...Large amounts of beer, now that's the best medicine!