Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The star of this debate...the fly. 😂😂😂😂

   Hey ... Does it mean anything when you see an elderly woman hobbling out the back door of the Presidential Debate Stage door crying and screaming vulgarities and met with a limousine driven by Huma Abedin?

   BREAKING NEWS From CNN .... This just in ..... Hillary Clinton just won this and the next Presidential debate by a LANDSLIDE!!! Hail Hillary. .... Wait What?

   This offends me as a vegan transgender atheist German engineer who vapes organic decaffeinated compressed soy breast milk on the regular and a person who does Indian naked crossfit yoga 5 times per week.

   Ok straight up, ladies. I love and respect all of you, but you all know how you can be when you're PMS'n. Do we really want a woman for president. I rest my case ! ! !

   You must be special kind of dumb if you think an idiot who became a billionaire celebrity and sleeps with models wants to change how this country works.

   You know what clowns are afraid of? Bullets.

   Hook-up culture's not for me. I'd rather get to know someone, find out they're not right for me, then keep dating them for 2-3 years.

   My favorite ghost story begins with "You have 14 invites waiting for you on LinkedIn..."

   Love corn mazes because they're a festive way to feel like you might never escape the hellish walls you're surrounded by.

   So weird that National Vodka Day last week happens on the same day as Text Your Ex Day.

   People always ask why no one immediately moves out of a haunted house but it's like UGH moving suuuuuucks.

   What's your favorite part of Fall? Leaves changing color? Crisp weather? Realizing we're all marching towards imminent death? Hot cocoa?

   How to Defeat Bears: 1) Play dead. 2) Stand up tall. 3) Have them use Jay Cutler as their quarterback.

   "Don't wear white after Labor Day" was the original first rule of Fight Club.

   If anyone over tells you your dreams are silly, remember there's a millionaire walking around who invented the pool noodle.

   Ariana Grande's body is 60 percent water and 40 percent ponytail.

   If you're valet parking your PT Cruiser you should just hand over the keys and tell them to drive it off a cliff.

   Maybe North Korea just needs a Snickers bar.

   When someone tells me their baby's name is Chance I just assume it's because the condom broke.