BEGO Funny Status Messages

   They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.

   How to scare burglars off. First, put pictures on the wall of you with a tiger. Second, put a cat litter box in your hall and sh$t in it.

   How do you know Asians robbed your house? Your cat's gone, your homework's done, and they're still backing out of the driveway.

   Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge

   Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.

   What I hate most about Twitter: Is finishing a good tweet, having -1 characters left, and then having to decide which grammar crime to commi

   My Ex texted me: "I Miss You..." So I replied: "We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach doesn't give a f***.......

   Did you know that the word "suns" upside down is still "suns"? Mind = BLOWN

   My shower only has two options: 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica.

   Common sense is like deodorant... The people who need it most never use it.

   I hate it when websites ask me, "Are you a human?" It's like, no, I'm a freakin' unicorn.

   Why even hit on chicks this weekend? I've already been fuc$ed once this week by gas prices.

   I can't remember the last time I heard a dial tone.

   Girls love shoes... so if she throws one at you, you know she's really pissed off.

   It's almost guaranteed that every Saturday and Sunday I ask my friends, "Did I do anything stupid last night?"

   The less you give a damn, the happier you will be.

   It's amazing how dudes can take care of Jordan's, but can't take care of a woman.

   Don't judge me until you know me. Don't underestimate me until you challenge me. And don't talk about me until you talk to me

   Being single is better than being lied to, cheated on, and disrespected.

   Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity.