bego Funny Status Messages

   Longest minutes ever: 1. Waiting on a text 2. Waiting on your food to get out the microwave 3. Commercial while watching a good show.

   Its funny how when I feel my phone vibrate I'll get up to read the text but when my alarm clock goes off in the morning I push snooze like 12 times.

   Reasons why I'm still single: ✔ can't date the internet. ✔ can't date my favorite celebrity. ✔ can't date Facebook. ✔ can't date myself..

   Say it to my face, not through your status.

   A relationship isn't determined by how many pictures you post on Facebook.

   Facebook is like school. There's the cool kids, the intellectual rebels, and there's always a rumor going on.

   Haters will broadcast your failure, but whisper your success.

   Some things are so awkward to say, but so easy to text message.

   People who take pictures of them with tons of money and post them on Facebook…………. have no money.

   We live on a world where smart people are called nerds and social outcast, and stupid people are the cool ones. And they get all the damn hot chicks.

   Everybody deserves second chances, but not for the same damn mistakes.

   Lazy rule #35: If you spill some water, it will eventually dry.

   OK, I'm getting out of bed in 10 seconds. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,9,9,9,9,9

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.

   Throwing ice at people who need to chill the fu@k out.

   Spent 15 damn minutes looking for my phone in the car last night while using my phone asa a light, yup that high..

   My Cousin in Jail just asked me to update his Facebook Relationship Status to "Its Complicated!" ...Man just say you Gay!

   This bitc$ got a million dollar body and a food stamp face.

   I listen to nothing more closely than the muffled conversation happening after someone has accidentally butt dialed me.

   I'm fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.