Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   *wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING

   Will World War III begin before or after Christmas? Because I don't want to buy presents for nothing.

   Gray Matter Matters

   Some people should keep their Quran and their bibles like they keep their genitals: to themselves.

   For Thanksgiving, I'm going to a sheep and goat buffet. It's All You Can Bleat.

   Enough with all the religious posts. You're just fighting over who has the better imaginary friend.

   Always be yourself. Unless you can be Bat Cat... Always be Bat Cat.

   Poverty is not being able to participate in Black Friday because you don't get paid until Monday.

   So what all y'all vegans eating for Thanksgiving?

   ...... Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   My girl friend says she may move out because of my obsession with TV dramas. But will she really leave me......Find out next week!

   Sweat pants are only ok for 2 reasons. Thanksgiving and strip clubs

   Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.... There's Circular pizzas, square pizzas, thin/thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings...... All beautiful really

   It's kinda hard to believe in just 2 days,, I'll be stabbing housewives for a discounted Dyson vacuum.

   You know you a hood rat when you can't participate in Black Friday because yo government check ain't in until Monday. .

   Apparently, the biatch at my wife's job was being such a biatch today because something, something,,,, we hate her.

   If God wanted me to be a Vegan, he wouldn't have made chickens so damn delicious!

   It's a shame if girls think Victoria's Secret models are every guys' dream. We're not in the fifth grade anymore. Go ahead and eat that last chicken wing, babygirl. You're gorgeous.

   The Superfriends hang out in the Hall of Justice, but has any villain ever actually been brought to justice there? Any indictment?Arraignment? Jury selection? Trail? How about for child support, alimony, probate, speeding ticket, overdue library book?

   FOR THE LAST TIME, MY EYES ARE UP HERE !!!........... I yelled at my gynecologist