Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I bet the next couple of weeks is when those Ocean Spray sales execs really meet their quotas.

   A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "feel horrible I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfec

   A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone... 💍💍💍😂😂😂

   Why is Kim K. like KFC? After you've finished with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 🍗🍖🤑🤑😂😂😂

   SCOOBY DOO taught us that all the REAL monsters ARE human... 🙈🙉🙊

   "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!

   You know, if Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it's time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here!

   Does anyone know where I can get more Lite Brite pegs?... I'm trying to finish my will.

   FYI,,,, My grandma hides blue cookies in the back of her toilet.

   I didn't sign up for the 401K at work. There is no way I can run that far in the shape I'm in.

   What is it that I want out of life? An apology would be a good start.

   Your Fortune Cookie for Today: A long-forgotten loved one will soon come back into your life. Buy the negatives at any price.

   Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 manufacturers who were the lowest bidder. Anyways...have safe flights over the Thanksgiving holiday 

   California has the highest rate of Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.

   The biggest problem I see with Adele's relationship in her new song is that she needs to stop calling and start texting instead.

   I don't need a safe word, but you will.

   Seen a pregnant woman with 4 kids just letting them run wild in Walmart. She said "Can you believe my baby is 5 days past due?"...I said "Yeah, he was probably warned by your other kids."......And that's when the fight started....

   When a woman says, do what you want,under any circumstance do not do what you want

   'm trying to learn to be a Magician.. But I have a question. Is it pulling a rabbit out of a hat or a hat out of the rabbit ?

   I wonder if Caitlyn Jenner dared to go as Bruce Jenner for Halloween.