Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Be the reason she gets that 8th cat.

   And then her mood ring just...exploded

   Thank you for pointing out that today is the first day of the rest of my life. I thought it was yesterday.

   I'm all for going out to a social gathering but I draw a line at someone starting a conversation with me

   Women are supposed to be beautiful and hard to catch, like butterflies. But most of ya'll are like mosquitoes, annoying and easy to smash.

   I had a friend who started saying "anyhoo," so I had to distance myself.

   If you're giving me directions, please don't confuse me by using words like north, south, east or west.

   Just ask Tommy. Hilfiger it out.

   at this point in our culture I'm very surprised there aren't people with nut allergies boycotting the peanuts movie

   I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

   If we were going to give this planet an enema, we would stick the hole right here in the United States.

   I guess all the sinners have been saved, the homeless housed and the hungry fed so now we can focus on protesting the new Starbucks cup!

   Everytime a women Posts a status a mans breakfast,lunch,or dinner is late.

   The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.

   If you start a sentence with ''i'm not a racist/sexist/homophobe/etc''... there is a 99.99999% chance that you are.

   Lacrosse is my favorite sport that combines looking like you're trying to catch a butterfly with having no friends @JhonRules

   She preaches, "It's what on the inside that matters." But then go on to post 20 selfies per day.

   It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart. One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.

   Happy B-day United States Marine Corps 240 years of Bad Assery

   If anything should offend you about Starbucks, it's the price of their coffee.