Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   In the movie "No Escape". The whites are saved by the Vietnamese. Karma beeyach

   Soooooo my Black friend just got mad at me, cause I called him a slave. Seriously, I was just yanking his chain!!

   I have googled "does my dog really love me" more than twice

   Ever watch the tv show 2 broke girls and get jealous of their bank account

   Starting my weekend off right with a simmering rage. It's a beautiful day for violence!

   Not everyone is with the person they wanted. Some are just with the only person that would have them.

   It's not a competition until you both go off your meds

   I'm a big advocate of the 'You started it' method of defense in an argument.

   You sound like someone I'd drown in a toilet.

   Ribbed condoms taste nothing like ribs

   I always fist bump the cashier whenever my card doesn't get declined.

   Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 35 years since my last confession, and I only ended up here because I thought it was the bathroom...Amen

   It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

   I'd like to be offended by sex. Where do I register?

   I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig......It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

   If you're too scared to dump somebody take them to ikea.

   When exactly in Earth's history did the climate not "change"?

   When my wife asks the dog ,Who's the good boy.. I secretly wish that she says DADDY'S THE GOOD BOY.. ....but she never does

   I get turned on when women use the voice they use to talk to dogs ...

   I had the unfortunate task of telling my dog he's adopted today.