Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When the cashier said "Strip down facing me" how was I supposed to know she meant my debit card?

   Apparently today is Mother-In-Law day. Who knew

   I am just surprised your mouth isn't foot-shaped.

   I wear running shoes so I look like I'm going places.

   I bet if I flashed my hand grenade this guy would let me merge

   You know those people that put a basket on their bike for their dog to ride along? Same but for tequila bottles

   I'm the irrelevance in the room.

   I'll sleep when you're dead.

   What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Mustang and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus

   Me as a doctor: Hey, I get paid whether you can maintain an erection or not buddy. Next!

   Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator..

   Are you butt dailing, cause I swear that a$$ is calling me

   your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...

   A verbal agreement is not worth the paper it's printed on.

   Glen died on walking dead tonight guys

   For all you people thinking about giving healthy Halloween treats, just stop now while you are ahead

   Monday's aren't bad.. You just hate your job

   Monday's don't suck... Your life does

   "One man's trash is another man's treasure" is not the advisable way to tell your child he was adopted.

   Your SMS inbox is your shopping updates app now. Card transaction information Order confirmation Package tracking Delivery Information