Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just found a new app that tells you which of your friends are family are racist, it is called facebook.

   *learns the pole vault Jumps out of the friend-zone*

   I don't have a thigh gap because I have this other gap on my face where I put delicious foods and beverages.

   Not to cause a panic but i'm starting to think we're running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.

   There are some people you'll never see again, but they're never the right ones.

   Why don't you go live in one of those other nations jackass you wouldn't last 10 minutes

   Proximo Gobernador de Antioquia

   You know the ZZ Top song, Sharp Dressed Man? I stop singing after "every girls crazy"

   Sending us to the couch is not as bad as you think it is ladies. It makes us feel manly... like we're camping... with an angry bear nearby.

   Calm your tit. Just one tit. Leave your other one crazy and out of control. That's your party tit.

   What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts" ?

   We just got a fax at work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

   Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?

   Why do we only crave what's bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I'd kill for some salad."

   I have an appointment with a psychiatrist over some rental property I just acquired. I think I have an apartment complex.

   Mar7hall vs BEiO They are back like 2 years ago.

   Everytime Kayne is caught smiling he has to be a cheerleader at a college football game!

   I live with fear every day.....sometimes she lets me go fishing!

   My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

   Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair.