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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Substitute " My ass" for "This girls" on fire and you're welcome Preparation H for your new ad campaign.
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09-03-2015 05:58 by
Bob
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I asked my cat if I'm passive aggressive and she ignored me. I hope I don't forget to feed her tonight.
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09-03-2015 08:58
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If a person has an imaginary friend, it's crazy. If several people have the same imaginary friend, it's religion.
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09-03-2015 09:42
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If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bull crap..
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09-03-2015 13:24
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Never underestimate the lawyer of a champion
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09-03-2015 14:06
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the world is not full of a$$holes but they are strategically placed so you come across several everyday
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09-03-2015 14:33
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“The man who fears losing has already lost.”
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09-03-2015 16:06
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Canadian rockers Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne are separating after 2 years of marriage... which I think is 4.4 after converting from metric...
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09-03-2015 17:10 by
JaxWylde
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I feel kinda like that guy in Nirvana whom nobody really appreciates. Not Kurt Cobain or Dave Grohl, the other one.
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09-03-2015 17:29 by
Nipper
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FYI: The opposite of Chevy Chase,,,, is Ford Escape.
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09-03-2015 18:46 by
snotty
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Maybe if Kim Davis wasn’t so patently awful to gay people she could find someone to help fix her hair.
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09-03-2015 18:52
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You know a girl is a keeper if she picks the iron when she's playing Monopoly.
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09-03-2015 19:04 by
gremlinsd
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still wondering how would you engineer an electrical?
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09-03-2015 21:47
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If you see me at a Baskin Robbins and I have 2 gallons of ice cream in front of me and only 1 spoon... Don't ask me how I'm doing !
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09-04-2015 00:57
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LOOK MA! NO CHASER!
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09-04-2015 13:01
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A lot of people say the bible is the greatest story ever told but I've always been partial to Back to the Future.
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09-04-2015 13:02
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Trying to eat a powdered donut without looking like I just came from Charlie Sheen's house.
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09-04-2015 15:38 by
gremlinsd
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I am strongly opposed to a representational democracy.... AND I VOTE!
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09-04-2015 15:44 by
unknown comic
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fell in love on an elevator once and it ended in soul crushing heart break, so, no thanks Aerosmith. No frickin thanks.
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09-04-2015 15:47
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You had me at jello. Oh you said hello. Do you have any jello? No? Why are you doing this to me?
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09-04-2015 15:54 by
unknown comic
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