Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A rocket launcher but for all the idiots on the highway.

   Just once I'd like a man to approach me at a bar and say 'come with me if you want to live'.

   What are people asking Meatloaf to do 'for love'?

   FYI ladies: I've been to fb jail twice this week. So if you're into bad boys get at me. But not tonight cause I have knitting class.

   Dear Wasted Drunk girls... We get it. This is your song...

   Why can't we $hit like dogs, I'm tired of wiping my @ss......

   A group of mistakes is called a life......... next question

   A good way to revoke Bill Cosby's medal of freedom would be to slip him drugs and then take it while he's unconscious...... next question

   If you urinate in a pair of swim goggles and strap them to your face you won't need Instagram anymore....... next question

   Every time I eat a powdered donut, I try not to look like I just left Charlie Sheen's house.

   It's easy to pick out Charlie Sheen's kid in school. He's the only kid who crushes and snorts his Flintstone's chewable vitamins.

   When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed.

   I once had the best job in the world.. I'll I was mandated to do was homework and be home before the street lights.. Best benefits ever

   If you are not naked you're not feeling the vibe today

   Girl logic: If I just ignore him he'll leave me alone. Guy logic: She hasn't told me to f*ck off yet so she must be interested.

   News just in: Hillary's private email server was located in a restroom. Clinton vows to get to the bottom of this.

   Amid new revelations that Hillary's private email server was located in a restroom, investigation is underway how it was wiped clean.

   To the 42 friends that are currently available to chat at 3:11 in the afternoon... Get a job you losers! Oh, wait...

   Do these celebrities actually expect us to believe they're using boxed DIY hair color? Please....

   When I think of you I touch myself. On my temples. You give me a migraine.