Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You guys ever YOLO so hard your Hyundai gets repossessed?

   I just sneezed while taking a piss and now I have to move.

   it too late to say hakuna matata to that lion?

   I haven't heard a single zebra complain about that lion getting shot.

   It's okay password, I'm insecure too.

   Yes I'm still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"

   (ordering cake on the phone)... BAKERY: And what would you like the cake to say?... (holds hand over phone)... Honey, did we want a talking cake???

   If you sit on your hand till it falls asleep and then like your own jokes,, it feels like someone else is doing it.

   When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.

   There's a dentist in Minnesota that kills lions and bears. There's a football team in Minnesota that can't beat lions or bears.

   Happy Friendship day.. is much like.. Happy Friendzone day!

   Dear Hospital this chicken broth would be much better if it had noodles, corn and chicken in it.

   When does the rioting start in Memphis? Oh wait black guy killed a white cop. Nevermind

   Relationship status - Ronda Rousey

   Always be yourself. Even if you have to fake it.

   I'd last 34 seconds also with Ronda rousey

   Police ordered me to get out of my car 'You're staggering' said the officer .'you're not a bad looking f*cker yourself' I replied

   I took my son to soccer practice for the first time today and I was amazed at the number of moms pulling up in 4x4's I thought to myself, "They will never use those for off-roading." Then I saw them trying to park.

   The speed and graphics on Microsoft Windows 10 is gonna be SO GOOD we'll be able to down load twice the social anxiety disorders in HALF the time...!!!!

   R.I.P to any guy that ever cheats on Ronda Rousey