Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I was born and raised in the circus, so as a young boy I use to dream of running away from home and joining the suburbs.

   “One shot, one kill, one apology.” - Canadian Sniper.

   Don't "xoxoxoxo" unless you mean it... I'm not flying to Budapest again...

   Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...

   I'll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.

   I'm sorry I asked you what your "hair" was made out of.

   I don’t chase after men. I don’t even walk after them.

   Someone else can have my fifteen minutes of fame.

   When you think about it, it's a rather fine line with some between insulting them and describing them

   Want to get a song stuck in your head...After midnight, we're gonna let it all hang down...After midnight..After midnight,

   Time is the only real enemy......* JK. It’s spiders.

   The stock market continues to go up, and is probably a good place to invest your money if you have any. But as good as it sounds, if I ever get any extra I'm opting for canned goods and ammo......!

   I am not sure how I missed this, busy I guess, but Monica Lewinsky turned 42 earlier this week, it seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her knees.

   I don't remember how the saying goes, but I think it's Rum before Whiskey, before Vodka, = Heart Palpitations.

   Saying "I'm offended" is basically telling the world you can't control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.

   As others prepare for another exciting college school year. I prepare myself for another 40 hour work week.

   Financial status: Hanging out in front of my favorite restaurant kissing anyone who has food around their mouth and in their teeth.

   Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"

   In reality all girls are crazy so you better just pick your favorite type.

   There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.