Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   : far from the regular.

   boycotting mornings

   will try to be nicer if you try to be smarter

   having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!!!

   Streakers beware: Your end is in sight!

   The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

   looks so much cuter with something in her mouth

   don't piss down his back and tell him it's raining.

   very tired (yawn) and hopes he doesn't fall asleep on (yawn) his keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddd

   The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

   When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

   I looked away to not sneeze on my keyboard, and sneezed on the fan and it went in my face

   - This just in. I have been certified by the Guinness Book of World Records for surpassing Wilt Chamberlin's record of 20,000. My bed post just received its 20,001 mark on it.

   If you don't talk to your cat about catnip.....who will?

   tall, dark and handsome

   Bob the builder! can we fix it?!!......no this time we're screwed

   you dont need drugs to be dope!!

   chasing parked cars.

   crapping. But then decided to change her status.

   thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple coins to the pavement in town and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, the police were watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing UK currency