Heather25 Funny Status Messages

   convinced there is NO functional family. Every family has a relative they would prefer to keep kidden. If you think your family doesn't have one...it's YOU.

   Yes officer, I did hit the pedestrian, but instead of dwelling on that why not focus on how many I've missed??

   Thinks its funny when people read someone elses status & start to wonder if it has something to do with them.

   Like this status if you have ever tried to accomplish something before the microwave timer ends.

   "Duct tape" - finding a cure to noise pollution, one mouth at a time.

   Was always told to practice the Golden Rule-treat others like I wanted to be treated...so I spanked you and pulled your hair.

   Playing Wheel Of Fortune- Phrase G_F_CK Y_ _RS_LF ..would you like to solve or would you like to buy a vowel??

   The best thing about this status is by the time you realize it's completely worthless it's too late for you to stop reading it. ;)

   I don't speed.....I drive with purpose!

   How come no one will ever hold my hand and skip with me in public places??

   So, I saw a can of Lysol that was "original" scent. What the heck does "original" smell like??

   Just so there are no misunderstandings, I am here for my own entertainment.

   Alarm clocks. Because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

   I'm from a small town full of gossip. I used to catch up whenever I talked to my folks. Now whenever they tell me something, I already know. Thanks Facebook.

   Here's the best advice of the day: If you call a psychic and they don't greet you by name, HANG UP!!!

   They said not to sniff markers, but then they made scented ones...

   The best revenge is success, or laxatives in cookies. ;)

   Realizes that the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.

   I have been hit hard with the "Your kids will turn out just like you" curse!

   Coffee's poured? Check. Facebook's running? Check. So far so good. Now I'm ready for the day to go to hell as usual.