Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Breaking news: 50 Cent is looking to play a gig for Nickleback.

   It's so hot outside,, that other people's balls are sticking to my legs.

   *Putting gas in car... $19.97... *stops..(gently).. $ 19.98... (very gently)... $19.99... *Ok, once more...(deep breath).... $37.63... GODDAMMIT

   If I end up doing something really cool or funny there’s an 80% chance it was on accident

   We should just invite ISIS over to help us purge our history for us, they are great at it...

   You would be amazed how little you can trust people these days...

   My mom told me she had Five Guys for lunch today."

   It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.

   My Psychiatrist is getting tired of starting our sessions with "Why do you think they unfollowed you?"

   Tried meditating once but ended up taking a really great nap.

   The worst thing a woman can ask a man is "Guess what today is."

   Why Does My Feed Have To Be Clogged With Everything You Liked???

   Waiting 2 hrs for an important call...hops in shower ....phone rings..

   There we go... the first of a long series of Pluto's selfies...

   So we can beam a crystal clear selfie of Pluto from 3 billion miles away but vending machines will still not take my dollar if it has a wrinkle...

   if 50 cents had a nickle for every bankruptcy joke

   Confirmed: The spacecraft near Pluto has a NIKON camera

   And for years I thought Pluto was a dog.

   I thought Pluto would have more hair.

   Yes,, I'll come to your third wedding,, but let it be known that your gift will be a set of irregular sheets.