Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Subway's new slogan should be "Eat fresh, but not TOO fresh."

   You know, it didn't say anywhere in my Subway contract that I couldn't order off the kid's menu."

   "Hi Kids! Wanna see how I lost all this weight playing hide the salami? And you might get to see my footlong!!! (which is actually 11")

   Apparently Jared was also fond of the occasional 2 inch sub.

   *Sitting around camp fire* And when your phone rang, you had no idea who it was *kids get up and run away screaming*

   I didn't read the article but let me tell you what I think about the headline.

   My sex tape looks like Stephen Hawking trying to pull himself out of a bathtub.

   You keep writing inspirational messages on Facebook, bro. I'll be over here banging that chick you like.

   At first I thought it said, "Kourtney Kardashian takes a dump on Scott Disick" which would make much more sense.

   The current Facebook dilema: How long until I can remove my rainbow filter avi without looking like a homophobe?

   I was surprised by how poorly attended my high school reunion was until I rememberd the graduation day bear attack.

   Well I guess this the recent news about Jared might put a whole new meaning to "six inch sub" instead of Footlong

   Its 2015, why do babies still have cords.

   Just got kicked out of Subway for asking if I could get a footlong Spicy Italian in my Kids Meal....

   The husband asked if I've seen where his exfoliation sponge was,,, and now I'm waiting for our periods to sync.

   I blame Subway!! The kids had a better chance of outrunning Jared when he was fat......

   Too bad you can't afford to straighten those fcuked up chompers. Nice tat's though...

   Went to Mcdonals and asked for a sad meal. What?!?!? Dont judge me, Sad people gotta eat too!

   What is an Ariana Grande? A drink from Starbucks?

   Now that she hates Americans, we know she's Ariana "not so" grande...