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The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULlcrap. 
My ex told me to grow a pair of balls, but I'm growing petunias for my garden instead.
Jesus had two dads and he seemed to turn on just fine.
Now that you've won your right to marry, ya think we could get a couple colors back. I mean, the whole rainbow... seariously?!?!
"Herrreee kitty, kitty, kitty" ~ Me, drunk, about to get bit by a raccoon.
Two in the blue, one in the poo. ~ How to give Smurfette a shocker.
"Drink Responsibly?".... LOL, Responsibility is WHY I drink.
I bet the first person to see a sun set was all like, "well... this ain't good"
Wife: Wanna have sex? Me: Sure, a quickie or do you want the full 2 minutes?
I never know what to say to pregnanant women so I just say, "I like to screw too"
when you're married, everybody looks good to you.
"Your career could be in jeopardy" ~ Alex Trebek's agent in 1984
My GF said I don't listen to her. Or something like that...
All the brain dead idiots that watch and listen to FOX news must be pretty pissed they haven't been able to marry their 1st cousion yet.....or their goat.
Be patient freaks, give it a few more years and you will be able to marry your dog
The story of People of Lut (or Lot) has been preserved for these exact times. To serve as reminder to us what the end result of People of Sodom & Gomorrah (pure destruction) for their deviant/foridden sexual practices. Our Maker has warned from such sins
My makers were my parents, not sure who yours are. Fairytales from a 2000 year old book is useless.
"Ducklings are baby ducks," I say as I set the appetizer on the table. "Enjoy your dumplings, Ma'am."
MY MOM ON HER COMPUTER: [please create a password].... MOM: 123abc... [password must be eight characters long],,, "Ummm ok".... passwordmustbeeightcharacterslong
SpaceX rocket exploded trying to get out of the atmosphere. God said you let men marry men, you guys aren't welcome up here anymore.
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