Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 12:20 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks 5 Hour Energy drink. Work is 8 hours, I'll just stick to cocaine.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to wear a stethascope around my neck so that when there is a medical emergency people learn a valuable lesson about false assumptions.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come MOM'S and dad's only get one day and Sharks get a whole week??
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bae is short for Retarded, right?
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Man at the dog park: Who's a good girl? WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL???? Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Older women are why I don't like younger women.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One more mood swing and I'll have the whole set.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 17:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If one more person posts "The thrill is gone" or "The Edge fell off the edge" I'm gonna scream. #sheeple
←Rate | 05-15-2015 21:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You ever wonder why eye glasses don't exist in the future? Star Wars? No glasses. Star Trek? No glasses. Battle Star Galatica? No glasses. No one wears glasses in the future! Something to look forward to.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 22:46 by IPLSPORTS Comments (2)  


   messageicon You obviously did not see either Adama, Baltar, or Roislyn wearing glasses
←Rate | 05-16-2015 01:28 by @Tuxxer Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm was doing Bikram yoga today. By that I mean I was in the back of a hot car trying to contort myself enough to vacuum under the front passenger seat.
←Rate | 05-16-2015 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some ducks landed on the grounds where I work yesterday. It was interesting to see them practicing teenage girls' faces.
←Rate | 05-16-2015 06:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walked into a public washroom and it sounded like someone was power-lifting in one of the stalls. That, or an exorcism.
←Rate | 05-16-2015 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve been training my facial muscles to do the nose twitch from 'Bewitched', and just had a huge breakthrough with the right nostril. Big day.
←Rate | 05-16-2015 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last week, I had an update so bad,,, Nicolas Cage got cast in a movie about it.
←Rate | 05-16-2015 15:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I watch the Disney Channel, to get a sneak peek of Maxim's line up in five year.
←Rate | 05-16-2015 15:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My weekend mood fluctuates between “better get the lawn mowed before it rains” and “Hurry up and rain so I can’t mow the lawn.”
←Rate | 05-16-2015 16:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctors only gave me three more months to live la vida loca
←Rate | 05-16-2015 16:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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