Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   why do elephants have four feet? Because six and a half inches just ain't long enough

   Learn how to spell.

   I just walked into a spider web and now I know all of Katy Perry's dance moves.

   My go-to office prank is to go onto someone's unattended Facbook page and post "I'm undecided, which should I get, Android or iPhone"

   How you get almond milk? Almonds ain't got no nipples!

   I never use my phone as a phone. Not because I don't like talking, I just never forgave them for all the times they kicked me off the internet.

   Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that low prices attract many customers.

   "After the Thrill is Gone" is my favorite song about married sex.

   "You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.

   I'm no mathlete but I can tell you that a 6 year old running at 8 mph after an ice cream truck driving 10 mph files 7.4ft when you trip him.

   Vape pens are the new Crocs

   I havend't heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he's okay.

   What do Moslim men do during foreplay? A: Tickle the camel under the chin

   Putting a 60 mph sign on a Mass. highway is really just a waste of metal

   If you love God you are deeply religious, If you love Islam, you are a radical.

   "You drive me to drink!" -I shout at my taxi driver.

   It’s an employee’s job to respect management but it's managements job to give them something to respect.

   I know you're supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?

   I eat far too many Happy Meals to be taken seriously as an adult.

   Its like that girl doesn't even care that he shorts stopped fitting like 3 years ago.